feeling blue .. feeling black...feeling complicated

izzitzit me or its reality...feeling kinda moody..cant explain...wanted to study..unfortunately i dont seem to have the urge to push myself yet...its like something is holding me back...wateva it is,its killing me..as usual im back with my low self-esteem embedded in me..which has once disappeared and now resurfaced again..i cant help it..i dont know wat's d purpose in my life,wat i want..i m sitting here blankly..emptiness filled within me..there's gotta b more to life than to study...y am i alwis d one..that has to face with such emotional rollercoaster..to sum of my friends..im weird in a sense tat they cant predict or understand me well..sometimes i can b so happy..suddenly poof!im back with the pathetic devastated ME!what is wrong with me...